My struggles...
Hey yaars,
As you've probably read, yesterday was not exactly a primo day for yours truly. I ended up ranting and raving as only I now how, and probably exaggerated a few points. The whole rant on the bi-polar thing was a knee-jerk reaction to things, and though expressed what I immediately felt, it was probably not the best choice of words. To be fair, the person in question never did use those words, it was just a case of yours truly being a bit over-the-top.
Now I'm guessing a few of you are probably scracthing their heads asking : "Why is he writing this?". Well quite frankly, it's because the person in question actually read yesterday's post. After weeks of goading people into reading the blog, when I finally get someone to do it, it flies right back in my face!
In defending myself, I must say that I NEVER did mention this person's name, and was just trying to get things out of my system. This person "Who Must Not Be Named", took offence that I would mention these things online, making them out to be a *****. (Insert your own obscenity). I tried to make a point NOT to mention their name, so that no mud slinging would occur. Let's just say I got a nice mud pie in my inbox this morning, and I'm still trying to wash some of it off...
It should be noted that my choice of words on the blog are my heartfelt, honest views on things I see. They are by no means a way of sending messages out to people, more a means for cathartic release. For those of you who know me well enough, you know it does take quite a bit for me to be upset, and yesterday was just the culmination of many different things.
Surprisingly enough, while I've always prided myself on my Pakistani roots, people seemed to have forgetten that my motherland was hammered by a massive quake last saturday, a 7.6 on the Richter scale. Perhaps not knowing that about 90% of my relatives live within 200km of the epicentre of the quake, people should know that I was quite shook on saturday, worrying about family for a good part of the day. Thank God they're all ok, though they all say that they've never experienced anything like that before, and that it was an almighty-fearing experience. The whole anxiousness all saturday morning and afternoon, along with the horrendous images that are being bombarded to everyone on t.v. aren't exactly settling, and admittedly have kept me a bit high-strung. And not to demean things, but that's just ONE facet of my whole f*ed up week.
Part two inevitably goes back to my relatives this weekend. Being a long weekend, I'm always dragged off to see not only the aunt, but cousins who I loathe with a passion. Though my religion preaches "Love for all, Hatred for none", when I see these people, I experience the closest thing to hate that is humanly possible. These are the same people who not only left my Dad to die, but left a then 19 year-old boy to take care of his widowed mother and then 12-year old brother.
These scars have run deeply in my system for years, and I hope it's understandable that when I see them, I'm NOT in good spirts for a few days. My dad always had faith that these same people would be there when in need, and they failed miserably. I would point to them being the reason why in years past I've been a bit of a recluse, in the sense that I never went out, opened up to anyone, or became overtly social.
Now finally after so long, I'd like to think I had made good friends with people, letting go of that personal shell that personified my times over the years. Though I'm a jolly, happy-go-lucky guy, I'm sure many of you know I still have that semblence of introvert in me. It's perhaps what leads me to write things that I would never dare say directly to anyone. If my words have ever been deemed hurtful, I openly apologize and offer a drink on me, because that was never my intention.
I'm sure we've all heard that the pen is mightier than the sword, but this week I've come to truly believe it. I hope my soul-bearing will enlighten a few of you to my internal strife, and understand that I'm not at all loony, just a man scarred. If any of you have taken offense to anything I've ever said, I offer my humblest apologies. If you truly are a friend of mine, I'd like to think you'd have the compassion to forgive me, as it was never my intent to be malicious. I was, remain, and will continue to be a loyal friend, who cares about his friends as much as he would his own family. And I cannot emphasize how much I mean that.
Take me for who I am, or ditch me if you must. I'll understand either way...
As you've probably read, yesterday was not exactly a primo day for yours truly. I ended up ranting and raving as only I now how, and probably exaggerated a few points. The whole rant on the bi-polar thing was a knee-jerk reaction to things, and though expressed what I immediately felt, it was probably not the best choice of words. To be fair, the person in question never did use those words, it was just a case of yours truly being a bit over-the-top.
Now I'm guessing a few of you are probably scracthing their heads asking : "Why is he writing this?". Well quite frankly, it's because the person in question actually read yesterday's post. After weeks of goading people into reading the blog, when I finally get someone to do it, it flies right back in my face!
In defending myself, I must say that I NEVER did mention this person's name, and was just trying to get things out of my system. This person "Who Must Not Be Named", took offence that I would mention these things online, making them out to be a *****. (Insert your own obscenity). I tried to make a point NOT to mention their name, so that no mud slinging would occur. Let's just say I got a nice mud pie in my inbox this morning, and I'm still trying to wash some of it off...
It should be noted that my choice of words on the blog are my heartfelt, honest views on things I see. They are by no means a way of sending messages out to people, more a means for cathartic release. For those of you who know me well enough, you know it does take quite a bit for me to be upset, and yesterday was just the culmination of many different things.
Surprisingly enough, while I've always prided myself on my Pakistani roots, people seemed to have forgetten that my motherland was hammered by a massive quake last saturday, a 7.6 on the Richter scale. Perhaps not knowing that about 90% of my relatives live within 200km of the epicentre of the quake, people should know that I was quite shook on saturday, worrying about family for a good part of the day. Thank God they're all ok, though they all say that they've never experienced anything like that before, and that it was an almighty-fearing experience. The whole anxiousness all saturday morning and afternoon, along with the horrendous images that are being bombarded to everyone on t.v. aren't exactly settling, and admittedly have kept me a bit high-strung. And not to demean things, but that's just ONE facet of my whole f*ed up week.
Part two inevitably goes back to my relatives this weekend. Being a long weekend, I'm always dragged off to see not only the aunt, but cousins who I loathe with a passion. Though my religion preaches "Love for all, Hatred for none", when I see these people, I experience the closest thing to hate that is humanly possible. These are the same people who not only left my Dad to die, but left a then 19 year-old boy to take care of his widowed mother and then 12-year old brother.
These are the same people who, despite being Doctors in charge of pallative care, casually asked when to pull the plug on my Pops, the same man who's the only uncle they've ever known. These are the same people who left me alone during funeral processions, leaving me solitary in front of his open casket while I shook hands with mournful community members. The same people who thought it would be best that I drop out of university after one semester and look for full-time work.
These scars have run deeply in my system for years, and I hope it's understandable that when I see them, I'm NOT in good spirts for a few days. My dad always had faith that these same people would be there when in need, and they failed miserably. I would point to them being the reason why in years past I've been a bit of a recluse, in the sense that I never went out, opened up to anyone, or became overtly social.
Now finally after so long, I'd like to think I had made good friends with people, letting go of that personal shell that personified my times over the years. Though I'm a jolly, happy-go-lucky guy, I'm sure many of you know I still have that semblence of introvert in me. It's perhaps what leads me to write things that I would never dare say directly to anyone. If my words have ever been deemed hurtful, I openly apologize and offer a drink on me, because that was never my intention.
I'm sure we've all heard that the pen is mightier than the sword, but this week I've come to truly believe it. I hope my soul-bearing will enlighten a few of you to my internal strife, and understand that I'm not at all loony, just a man scarred. If any of you have taken offense to anything I've ever said, I offer my humblest apologies. If you truly are a friend of mine, I'd like to think you'd have the compassion to forgive me, as it was never my intent to be malicious. I was, remain, and will continue to be a loyal friend, who cares about his friends as much as he would his own family. And I cannot emphasize how much I mean that.
Take me for who I am, or ditch me if you must. I'll understand either way...
posted by Naveed at
2:01 PM
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