Diamonds are Forever

Just posting to keep everyone in the loop on things. As always, it seems whenever there's something remotely "juicy" to report, EVERYONE'S reading the blog. It was SUPPOSE to be limited to about 8 people, yet somehow I have more than the octet of readers I expected. Which was fine, until the love turned into acrimony!

I find myself saying time and time again that I won't say anything that might be too juicy to write but usually end up doing so. What can I say, I like to entertain! Just keep in mind that I'm no imbecile and that I do have a decent IQ (above average to be precise)!

Nothing really to bellyache about, just some random observations I've been noting the last few days...

- Why is it that whenever I least expect/want to hear from someone, somehow they magically appear to surprise/irritate/annoy me

- I have a KILLER "brown" accent. Just try me!

- I still have an extremely difficult time casually talking with members of the opposite sex (unless I've known them for about 8 months at which point I'm SEMI-comfortable)

- I'm unusually patriotic for a nation (Pakistan) which I wasn't born in (even though that's where my roots and culturing come from!)

- Why someone would EVER want to deliver or receive a donkey punch, I don't know!

- Cherry colas at Jack Astor's RULE!

- Why are some people SO concerned about saving endangered animals, saving the rainforest, etc, yet have NO sympathy for the bum on the street who asks for spare change! At least the bum says thank you!

This might be construed as prejudiced, but I mean it in the most positive way....

Outside of sumo wrestlers, have you EVER seen an overweight person of Oriental origin? It's as if they've inherited the genes for amazing metabolism. And if that's the case, I can't even imagine how much those sumo wrestlers need to eat to get that big!

And the last one:

How can members of the opposite sex get away with murder by using the "female problems" defense? I want to just ONCE bunk off of work by saying I have some "male problems". Though I'm afraid that just might be construed as getting my privates caught in a zipper or something a la "There's something about Mary". I offer a chance for us blokes to start bringing out the whole "male problems" excuse - It should be brilliant!

Gangbusters!

Hey yaars!

After literally hours of arduous work, I've managed to put up a mini flash music player. Now in addition to being stimulated visually and intellectually, you'll get to know what beats I've been listening to. Let me know what y'all think!

I'll "mos def" talk to y'all l8er!

The Joshua Tree

Hey yaars (and as of yesterday, hello dushmun!)

Before I get to the craziness, I'll mention that I got the aforementioned album and am totally enjoying it. I got it on a whim as I saw it on MuchMoreMusic's top albums of the last 25 years and totally comprehend the rationale behind the choice. I think it was rated at #4 or something, but it's pretty darn good. Now if only I could grow my hair out in a Bono-esque tribute! (I haven't gotten the chance to go to our family barber in about 5 months and the puff is in full swing!)

On to the insanity : so somebody who dislikes me reads the blog. Gimminy Gillikers! After posting some beefs, gossip, and detail regarding the last few weeks it seems I've touched a nerve with one of my readers. And though I'm sure it's not the first time, it is the debut of the "anonymous" comment critique on the blog.

Luckily, thanks to the marvel that is stat tracking, I've managed to narrow down the suspects to see who the "hater" is. For your enjoyment, I'll cryptically clue y'all in on who it could be:

1 - Cedric (in which case it's a joke and very very funny!)
2 - A regular reader who I thought I got along with well
3 - The "Commander" who I was referring to. Once again, this person is NOT a superior

I'm PRETTY darn sure it's #2, but I won't point the finger in the event that it's one massive joke. I'd like to think that the sound of my voice isn't grating on anyone, as my talkativeness is a means of keeping everyone loose, comfortable, and in good spirits. In any event, I'll try and spend my Friday with as much positivity as possible!

God,
grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage
to change the things I can, and
Wisdom
to know the difference.

-excerpt from the Serenity prayer
(relax, I'm not in a 12 step rehab program or converting to being a Jebus-follower, just thought the prayer was inspirational)

The Final Countdown

Cool cut-up tribute video done by the CMJ team. It's worth the watch just to see the lamest push ups EVER at the end of the video!

The Cable Box...

Hey yaars (and dushmun!),

Been a tad occupied with regards to season tickets at the aforementioned Rogers Centre, and am semi-fatigued from the day-to-day demands of the job. What's been keeping me going is the laughs shared with the guys, and the gossip that has persisted over the course of the last few weeks.
My daily routine the past 4 weeks has consisted of the following:

a) Alarm rings at 9:30
b) Hit snooze until 10-ish
c) Stumble out of bed and get ready to leave for work
d) Go to work to "relieve" a co-worker working a window who requires their break
e) Go back to Gate 9 to help out in an all-rounder capacity
f) Find a way to have a meal and then go home
g) Watch Seinfeld, have dinner, then sleep

I have a few stories to mention, though I'll reserve a few in the event that somehow, somewhere, one of the parties involved finds this blog and soon after attempts to go all drive-by on me. Here are a few quick tid-bits to keep y'all happy:

1 - one person having a crush on another co-worker who I'm quite sure has no mutual affection, yet is too nice to anything
2 - a "Commander" who refuses to trust anyone with any of the work to do and gives menial tasks for us to do, as if we had a single-digit IQ. This would be fine if the person was a superior, unforunately it's a peer.
3 - Yours truly getting bombarded with a specific task to do almost EVERY day which involves cleaning up another person's half-assed effort on a task.
4 - Monkey Paw, 'nuff said!
5 - The ongoing "fake niceness" exhibited by certain people who act all nice to your face, yet either hate your guts or slag you off behind your back. I HATE that!
6 - I apparently have a chip on my shoulder and my "because I'm brown" jokes are indicitive of my inner disinclination towards white Canada.
7 - Due to point #6 I've now developed a desi accent which rivals any East Indian straight off the boat/plane/transportation device
8 - Evidently I'm self-centered according to somebody (excuse ME while I look at MYSELF in the mirror!)
9 - The return of G-Unit. He's asked me for tix for a few games next month. I couldn't have said no anyways, but to see his look the first time he's back will most definitely be priceless

Yes, I know most of the above were pertaining to me, but I figured the REAL good stuff (with intricate details) should be saved for face-to-face talks. So if you're willing to wine me and dine me (not literally of course!), I'll be a cheap floozy :P I'll end off the post with my personal favourite, which just might have equalled the "running the bases" story...

On this year's season tickets, quite a few of the games have pictures of young fans who look very cute and innocent, giving that whole family feel to the team. Now one of the senior members working there these days took note of the fact that one of the kids featured on the tickets looked somewhat un-beautiful (not my words as I don't believe that any baby can be called ugly!).

Anyhow, that particular person had managed to inform anyone and everyone of this baby's photo on the tickets. Two weeks ago, she managed to mention it in passing conversation to another employee who after immediately hearing this, proclaimed "that's actually my son".

You couldn't even MAKE sh*t up this good! I was unforunately not able to witness this event, but from eyewitness accounts, the silence that followed was so eerily hilarious, that it could have made anyone p*ss themselves! Hope that brightens your day!

One Last Goodbye

Hey yaars,

Had quite the long day today. I went to our community mosque in Maple to pay our last respects to Uncle Naseer. Seeing as it was March Break for young'uns, the mosque was packed, and we had to pray in the lobby of the mosque. Viewed the open casket one last time with my brother, who was obviously distraught. It's only our second ever funeral, and our first was when our father died (at the time I was 19, Zan was 12). The sadness of the day was accentuated by the fact that Uncle Naseer died on the same day as my father, and had his funeral prayers/burial on the same day (March 15 and 17).

It was disheartening seeing so many old familiar faces in the crowd, openly weeping. Somehow despite my sensitive nature I usually find a way to stay stone cold at cemetaries, and today was little exception. We managed to say our last goodbyes, and then proceeded to my own dad's grave to pay visit to the man who moulded the person who writes these very words. After the emotional day, I found myself feeling guilty for not seeing my dad's grave often enough. I was extremely close to him and I almost feel sinful for not thinking enough of my Abu at times. But then logic and religious teachings hold me over. You know, the whole "they're in a better place" schpiel.

Of course stupid me thought I'd be able to make it in time for work at the Rogers Centre by 4ish. I didn't get back home till 4:45 and ran out the door with my dress shirt. Through all the mess I didn't bother to call work to say I'd be later than previously expected, and just might get a right bollocking tomorrow, though I'd like to think I might get a flyer on this one. I still feel bad that I made Scott wait at the windows for so long and have vowed to hook him up with some Pakistani eats, my treat (not that he'd read this blog, but just in case, SORRY once again!). Of course from the daily gossip I've come to find someone resenting my tardiness, despite the fact that my manager has no real issue with it so long as it's withing a 30 minute span (And this person LOVES hearing that line from me :P )

Have a few stories to tell but feel it probably would be best for me to collect them all in my head before unleashing them on y'all. I'll most definitely post soon.

Hilarious quote of the day:

"Yes he has the heart of gold but so does an egg!"
- Former Indian cricketer Navjot Singh Sidhu assessing the brave yet incompetent nature of an Indian cricketer (I'm not sure who, but the quote was too good to pass up!)

To Allah we Belong and to Him is Our return...

Inna Lilahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon

Hey yaars,

I knew today wasn't going to be an easy one to get through but I gave it my best. For lack of a better term, it's the 5-year anniversary of my father's passing. Though I still think about my Abu often, the past month has cut like a knife on quite a few occasions. Nothing hard enough to make me cry mind you, but subtle reminders that my guide, mentor, and best friend are no longer in this world. I tried my best to put on a brave face and went to work in best attempts to be my jovial self. Of course I managed to semi-dampen things by blurting today's signifigance out to two co-workers (hope I didn't bum you guys out). All in all I thought it was a good day though, as I left work with a smile on my face and good memories of my dad.

For some reason though, the second I entered my home I had this eerie feeling, as if there was sadness or something of that ilk in the home. I quickly dismissed it, thinking it was me and my doomsday complex at work. Until I found out from my mother and brother that my Uncle Naseer had just passed away from a heart attack at 3 a.m. earlier today. Now I know in East Indian culture, we like to throw around the "uncle" term for any elder male family friend/parent, but in this uncle's case, it really felt like an accurate description.

Uncle Naseer was one of the first people to see us in the hospital upon my dad's passing and was extremely helpful in the arrangments, to the point that he personally went to Scarborough General to allow the release of my dad's body for burial (in Islam we bury the dead as soon as possible to give them peace). I'll always remember the large bear hug he gave me that day, comforting me as if his own brother had died, and today I feel as if I've lost family too.

I always looked forward to going to him to do my taxes as he was our family accountant. It always kinda bothered my mother and I that he would never allow us to pay for his services, and this year my mother was intent on getting him a gift to make up for that as we planned on getting our taxes done next week.

All night I've been reminded of his thunderous laugh and glowing smile that could warm anyone's heart. He was the one uncle who managed to always stay in touch with my mother, ignoring the whole taboo of men talking to widowed women. It totally pains me to know that he never got the chance to see his daughter get married off, as I know that was one of the remaining things he wished to do.

In the end I guess I can be comforted in the fact that he's in a better place. My dad always loved to hang out with him and here's to hoping they're sharing a smoke or two up in the heavens.

P.S. The Arabic scripture at the beginning of the post is the prayer we say for those who have deceased in hopes of them ascending to heaven. It's literal translation is the same as the post's title : "To Allah we Belong and to Him is Our return"

Elevator Etiquette!

Hey yaars,

Been working at the Rogers Centre (a.k.a. the Cable Box) racking up the hours so I can make some cake to spend! After a long days work, it seems my building's elevator goes even SLOWER when it knows I'm coming home. What makes things worse is when the elevator stops on EVERY floor before reaching my floor. I thought about this and realized that there should be some guidelines to responsible elevator usage. Alas, here's the list.

1) If you're on the first floor and do not intend to go to the basement, do NOT press the down button. I can understand our inner child coming out, wanting to press the button, but by pressing the button, you end up screwing the people waiting in the basement. Countless times I've found myself waiting in the basement to get to my apartment, only to find a bunch of schoolkids who stuff themselves in the elevator on the first floor because of their stupidity. Subsequently, I have to wait for 5 or 6 times for an elevator to have room.

1a) Basically an addendum to #1, only press the button in the direction you intend to go in, up or down, not both!

2) If you have a large backpack on, take it off and hold it in your hands so that one or two people can get in, and so that you don't bowl over anyone while you're exiting.

3) NO transportation of large goods/boxes/garbage during the hours of 8AM-9AM and 3:30-4:30PM. That's when EVERYONE is leaving to go to workor school or come home, and you just end up screwing us all over.

4) The 2nd floor rule. NEVER should anyone have to take the elevator to the second floor from the 1st floor or basement. That's just absolute laziness and it ends up wasting everyone else's time. The ONLY exceptions I would give would be to those with heavy bags or things to carry (i.e. laundry, grocery, etc.), old people, or people with physical aids who have problems walking. You cannot imagine the number of times I've wanted to go terrorist on someone and strangle him for taking the elevator for ONE floor!

5) No peeing in the elevator. If you really have to go, do it BEFORE you get in!

6) No elevator littering. We're in Canada, there are waste bins EVERYWHERE. Do you really want to turn Toronto into the New New Delhi?

7) Pet Restraints - If you have a cat or dog, find a way to restrain them while others are trying to get room in the elevator. I'm already not the animal type, and it only gets worse when I have a big drooling dog licking my shoes.

8) Wear deodarant before entering an elevator! Just cause your apartment is your home, it doesn't give you the clearance to share your "essence" with all of us. And you cannot mask your smell with perfume, it only exacerbates the stench!

9) No gawking. This probably is directed mainly at the burqa's and mullah's who don't want us to stare at them, yet find every oppurtunity to stare at others.

10) No phone calls in the elevator. You're almost home, I'm sure the person on the other end can wait the extra half minute to hear back from you. We don't need to hear you guys calling each other "schmoopy"

That's about it for now. If anyone has any additions, please feel free to comment!

Bush league cricket?

Hey yaars,

President Bush is in Pakistan these days on a Presidential visit and yesterday he found time to learn a bit about cricket with some students from the local university. I'm hoping he might have got a subtle hint at how most of the world feels about him as the first "softball" bowled at him hit him in the shoulder (see picture above!).

It was quite the imagery for me to see Dubya play the sport I watch with the utmost of interest. In a speech later in the day, he joked about how he was "bowled by a googly". If he even knows what that really means, I'll never criticize him ever again!

On another side note, while Bush was attempting to endear himself to Pakistani's by playing the sport they love, police ARRESTED Imran Khan - Pakistan's most famous cricketer-turned-politician. To put it in perspective, it would be like the Canadian government arresting Wayne Gretzky in order to prevent him from inciting protests against a visiting dignitary. Just wrong on SO many levels!

George ka Pakistan

Hey yaars,

Greetings and salutations from the 'Boro. I've finally managed to rid myself of the horrendous cold I had over the last week. Not totally though, as there still is a hacking cough and some phelgm just dying to come out. But I FEEL better.

Along with the standard combination of apple juice, Buckley's cough mixture, Tylenol cough, and Halls Extra Strength, I truly believe the program George ka Pakistan (George's Pakistan) helped to bring me back to help. It's basically a show revolving around a large Englishman named George (see pic above) travelling across the country and trying his best to learn as much about Pakistan as he can in 3 months. It's a quasi-reality show in the sense that he gets tasks to do (driving in Lahore traffic , finding a bookshop in the Saddar bazar, renting a flat for under 8000 rupees/$200, etc.). The show is off the chain! I have to admit, the funniest moment from the 7 or so episodes so far came today....

The program comes on a Pakistani satellite called Geo, which is beamed around the world. One of the head honchos/presenters is Abdur Rauf, who George goes to visit in an episode. Now, as I watched this, my snooping mother, managed to pop in and scream "That's my cousin!". From this I find out that he's executive producing the show. Apparently he's kind of a big deal in the country.

So basically, my mom's cousin is like the Larry King of Pakistan (in a GOOD way). What makes it cool to the max is that my mother has been good buddies with him since childhood and every time she goes back to Pakistan she finds a way to meet him. Seeing as how the next time is probably "getting Naveed hitched" time, it's probably a good thing to know some influential people :P I'd be happy if I somehow got hooked up doing the news or something!

Can you imagine, a light-skinned Kashmiri Adonis (see photo to your right!) reading the news? Ok, I think I've had enough Buckley's for one day, it's most definitely off to bed!

I promise I'll post a tad more, I've got my energy back!

L8er