Elevator Etiquette!

Hey yaars,

Been working at the Rogers Centre (a.k.a. the Cable Box) racking up the hours so I can make some cake to spend! After a long days work, it seems my building's elevator goes even SLOWER when it knows I'm coming home. What makes things worse is when the elevator stops on EVERY floor before reaching my floor. I thought about this and realized that there should be some guidelines to responsible elevator usage. Alas, here's the list.

1) If you're on the first floor and do not intend to go to the basement, do NOT press the down button. I can understand our inner child coming out, wanting to press the button, but by pressing the button, you end up screwing the people waiting in the basement. Countless times I've found myself waiting in the basement to get to my apartment, only to find a bunch of schoolkids who stuff themselves in the elevator on the first floor because of their stupidity. Subsequently, I have to wait for 5 or 6 times for an elevator to have room.

1a) Basically an addendum to #1, only press the button in the direction you intend to go in, up or down, not both!

2) If you have a large backpack on, take it off and hold it in your hands so that one or two people can get in, and so that you don't bowl over anyone while you're exiting.

3) NO transportation of large goods/boxes/garbage during the hours of 8AM-9AM and 3:30-4:30PM. That's when EVERYONE is leaving to go to workor school or come home, and you just end up screwing us all over.

4) The 2nd floor rule. NEVER should anyone have to take the elevator to the second floor from the 1st floor or basement. That's just absolute laziness and it ends up wasting everyone else's time. The ONLY exceptions I would give would be to those with heavy bags or things to carry (i.e. laundry, grocery, etc.), old people, or people with physical aids who have problems walking. You cannot imagine the number of times I've wanted to go terrorist on someone and strangle him for taking the elevator for ONE floor!

5) No peeing in the elevator. If you really have to go, do it BEFORE you get in!

6) No elevator littering. We're in Canada, there are waste bins EVERYWHERE. Do you really want to turn Toronto into the New New Delhi?

7) Pet Restraints - If you have a cat or dog, find a way to restrain them while others are trying to get room in the elevator. I'm already not the animal type, and it only gets worse when I have a big drooling dog licking my shoes.

8) Wear deodarant before entering an elevator! Just cause your apartment is your home, it doesn't give you the clearance to share your "essence" with all of us. And you cannot mask your smell with perfume, it only exacerbates the stench!

9) No gawking. This probably is directed mainly at the burqa's and mullah's who don't want us to stare at them, yet find every oppurtunity to stare at others.

10) No phone calls in the elevator. You're almost home, I'm sure the person on the other end can wait the extra half minute to hear back from you. We don't need to hear you guys calling each other "schmoopy"

That's about it for now. If anyone has any additions, please feel free to comment!